The news finally came at 1:37 CST. Pope John Paul II had passed away. The world, or a large majority of it had stopped last week to pay tribute to God’s #2. And now he was gone, dust in the wind. We all return to the earth from which we came, Holy as the Pope as evil as the rest the ride stops for us all, and at some point we all have to get off. He had led a faction of the most organized and secretive organizations in modern history, and he did it with a charm and charisma that can never be rivaled by mortal man, and on Saturday God opened his arms and welcomed home his servant and watched as His playground downstairs was a little more empty with this one gone. It is hard to sum up the total of what a man the Pope was, because he was a just that….a man. Pope is not like mayor or president or dogcatcher. A simple I didn’t know can get you off the hook in the later offices, but with a position like the pope the realities of the position are a little more real, a little more enclusive, and we are better because he is gone.
We are better because we now have to look deep in our hears which over the years of war and terror have become black with hate and fear. We once again have to hope. Hope is something that has eluded this generation, and the hope of this generation lies on a group of strangers speaking Italian wearing funny hats. Hope that once again we can be the society that strives to be better that the one before it. Strives to never take a look a the bottom line, but in that respect know that the bottom line is something that cannot be avoided, we are all on a road that ends, and that is not a bad thing. We just need to make sure that the one leading the herd are heading us in the right direction. and that person will emerge from a balcony in the Vatican minutes after a wall of white smoke bellows outs of the Sistine Chapel . We are as Ronald Regan said “the generation that will face Armagedon” Res ispa Loquitur
Monday, May 30, 2005
I Was Really Drunk When I Wrote This..........
WE ARE IN THE NEED FOR CHANGES. THAT IS THE BEST THAT I CAN COME UP WITH AT THIS TIME. I GUESS THAT CHANGE IS A NECESSITY.
UNION /.DRUNK ONE BEER AND A SACK OF ICE. THAT IS ALL THAT IT TOOK TO MAKE MY BRAIN TO RELAX. I HAVE BEEN WITHOUT MUCH SLEEP FOR THE BETTER PART OF A WEEK NOW. THE UPPERS THAT I AM TAKING TO STAY CONCIOUS ARE FINALLY TAKING THEIR TOLL. I NEED THE BEER COORS ORIGINAL TO EVEN ME OUT AND PUT ME ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THINGS. THE WEEK HAS BEEN NOTHING MORE THAN A BLUR I HAVE TO LOOK AT A CALENDAR TO MAKE MYSELF AWARE AGAIN OF THE DATE AND SOMETIMES EVEN THE MONTH. BUT I HONESTLY CAN SAY THAT I ENJOY THE FEELING THAT COMES WITH NO SLEEP, MY MIND SEEMS MORE AWARE OF THE MAGIC. AND THE MAGIC………….AHH THE MAGIC WE IGNORE THE MAGIC, THAT SURRONDS US DON’T WE? THE CATS ARE RUMAGING IN THE TRASH……GOD BLESS THEM JEEP AND NIETZSCHE THEY HAVE KEPT ME SANE THROUGHOUT THE PAST YEAR AND ONE HALF THAT THEY HAVE BECOME A PART OF MY LIFE, AND I ENJOY THEIR SILENT COMPANY, I TAKE THEM FOR GRANTED, THE WAY THAT THEY QUIETLY GO THOUGH THE DAY WITHOUT A CARE AND I AM ENVIOUS. WITHOUT MUCH CARE THEY SEEM TO GLIDE RIGHT THOUGH THIS MAGICAL JOURNEY, MY HOW I WILL MISS THEM WHEN THEY ARE GONE. SOME MAY SAY THAT IS A DARK AND BITTER WAY TO LOOK AT LIFE, BUT I HAVE TO BE TRUTHFUL WITH MYSELF, THEY WILL DIE AS WILL I AND WHEN EITHER OF US ARE GONE THEY WILL BE MISSED.
NOW HE ROLLS AROUND ON THE GROUND FULL AND SATISFIED ONCE AGAIN POKING OUT HIS WHITE BELLY, EYES CLOSED. ALL IS WELL IN THE WORLD AS HE SCRATCHES MY FOOT AND SILENTLY GOES TO SLEEP. I HAVE ANOTHER BEER IN THE SINK, WITH THE ICE COOLING IT BUT I WAIT TO RETRIEVE IT, IN A EFFORT NOT TO AWAKE MY SLEEPING PRINCE. HIS EYES ARE OPEN NOW, TIME FOR THE BEER. THE BANQUET BEGINS AGAIN, THE SPELL CHECK ON THIS THING IS FUCKED. SOMETHING TO LOOK INTO FOR THE FUTURE RANTING EPISODES I SUPPOSE. THE ASHTRAY IS ON FIRE NOW FUCK THE CONSTANT POUNDING ON THIS KEYBOARD HAS DRAWN MY ATTENTION AWAY. NOW THE FIRE IS OUT BUT THE STINK OF BURN,……..HAS NOW FILLED THE ROOM, AND THAT IS FINE WITH ME I WILL JUST LIGHT UP ANOTHER ONE TO EVEN OUT THE BASTARD.
BACK TO THE MAGIC. THE MAGIC SOMEHOW MY FINGERS FIND THE KEYS. MAGIC, THE BLUR IN MY VISION AS A LOOK AWAY FROM THE SCREEN WILL PASS, IF THE MAGIC WILL ALLOW SUCH AS THING AND I THINK THAT IT WILL. I HAVE BEEN HERE BEFORE AND I WILL BE HERE AGAIN I AM SURE OF IT. NOW IS AM SEEING DOUBLE, AND THE FEELLING IS NOT WELCOME I WILL HAVE TO RIDE IT OUT AS LONG AS I CAN… THE FEELING IS NOT WELCOME, THE BEERS AFFECTS ARE BEGINNING TO TAKE THEIR DESIRED EFFECTS. I NEED TO SLEEP IF ONLY FOR AN HOUR, THE REST IS WELL DESERVED
UNION /.DRUNK ONE BEER AND A SACK OF ICE. THAT IS ALL THAT IT TOOK TO MAKE MY BRAIN TO RELAX. I HAVE BEEN WITHOUT MUCH SLEEP FOR THE BETTER PART OF A WEEK NOW. THE UPPERS THAT I AM TAKING TO STAY CONCIOUS ARE FINALLY TAKING THEIR TOLL. I NEED THE BEER COORS ORIGINAL TO EVEN ME OUT AND PUT ME ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THINGS. THE WEEK HAS BEEN NOTHING MORE THAN A BLUR I HAVE TO LOOK AT A CALENDAR TO MAKE MYSELF AWARE AGAIN OF THE DATE AND SOMETIMES EVEN THE MONTH. BUT I HONESTLY CAN SAY THAT I ENJOY THE FEELING THAT COMES WITH NO SLEEP, MY MIND SEEMS MORE AWARE OF THE MAGIC. AND THE MAGIC………….AHH THE MAGIC WE IGNORE THE MAGIC, THAT SURRONDS US DON’T WE? THE CATS ARE RUMAGING IN THE TRASH……GOD BLESS THEM JEEP AND NIETZSCHE THEY HAVE KEPT ME SANE THROUGHOUT THE PAST YEAR AND ONE HALF THAT THEY HAVE BECOME A PART OF MY LIFE, AND I ENJOY THEIR SILENT COMPANY, I TAKE THEM FOR GRANTED, THE WAY THAT THEY QUIETLY GO THOUGH THE DAY WITHOUT A CARE AND I AM ENVIOUS. WITHOUT MUCH CARE THEY SEEM TO GLIDE RIGHT THOUGH THIS MAGICAL JOURNEY, MY HOW I WILL MISS THEM WHEN THEY ARE GONE. SOME MAY SAY THAT IS A DARK AND BITTER WAY TO LOOK AT LIFE, BUT I HAVE TO BE TRUTHFUL WITH MYSELF, THEY WILL DIE AS WILL I AND WHEN EITHER OF US ARE GONE THEY WILL BE MISSED.
NOW HE ROLLS AROUND ON THE GROUND FULL AND SATISFIED ONCE AGAIN POKING OUT HIS WHITE BELLY, EYES CLOSED. ALL IS WELL IN THE WORLD AS HE SCRATCHES MY FOOT AND SILENTLY GOES TO SLEEP. I HAVE ANOTHER BEER IN THE SINK, WITH THE ICE COOLING IT BUT I WAIT TO RETRIEVE IT, IN A EFFORT NOT TO AWAKE MY SLEEPING PRINCE. HIS EYES ARE OPEN NOW, TIME FOR THE BEER. THE BANQUET BEGINS AGAIN, THE SPELL CHECK ON THIS THING IS FUCKED. SOMETHING TO LOOK INTO FOR THE FUTURE RANTING EPISODES I SUPPOSE. THE ASHTRAY IS ON FIRE NOW FUCK THE CONSTANT POUNDING ON THIS KEYBOARD HAS DRAWN MY ATTENTION AWAY. NOW THE FIRE IS OUT BUT THE STINK OF BURN,……..HAS NOW FILLED THE ROOM, AND THAT IS FINE WITH ME I WILL JUST LIGHT UP ANOTHER ONE TO EVEN OUT THE BASTARD.
BACK TO THE MAGIC. THE MAGIC SOMEHOW MY FINGERS FIND THE KEYS. MAGIC, THE BLUR IN MY VISION AS A LOOK AWAY FROM THE SCREEN WILL PASS, IF THE MAGIC WILL ALLOW SUCH AS THING AND I THINK THAT IT WILL. I HAVE BEEN HERE BEFORE AND I WILL BE HERE AGAIN I AM SURE OF IT. NOW IS AM SEEING DOUBLE, AND THE FEELLING IS NOT WELCOME I WILL HAVE TO RIDE IT OUT AS LONG AS I CAN… THE FEELING IS NOT WELCOME, THE BEERS AFFECTS ARE BEGINNING TO TAKE THEIR DESIRED EFFECTS. I NEED TO SLEEP IF ONLY FOR AN HOUR, THE REST IS WELL DESERVED
Pigs
“Did you hear the shots?”
Strange questions for an man to try to answer. I was still trying to shake the cobwebs out of my head from my afternoon nap when this question was sprung upon me like a lioness on a young gazelle.
“Yeah, of course I did, wait what shots?”
The young boy, led by a grayish sort of Labrador retriever walked over to me and I was eager to get this conversation going, I was in fact in the middle of the story and I felt that the outside world needed to know to goings on at the Indian Trail Apartments. I could see cameras setting up about 100 yards from where I stood, and my mind started to place impossible scenarios together about what had just occurred, and what the outcome might have been.
“ the cops, were down there at that chameleon pick-up, you see the one down there with the pipes?”he said
“Yes I see, what happened?” I asked
“Well the cops were down there dropping a warrant on that guy in that apartment down by that truck, well then he drew he gun and shot at one of the cops”
“He shot a cop?” I asked.
My mind began to race again, creatively persuing an end to this story without having to hear the end of it. That is was good story tellers do, always see the ending far before it happens so that when it POPs you are ready. I have, what some might call a hatred for the man in blue, I don’t respect the badge. Never have. I grew up in a small town where to local bully grew up to be the local cop and the cycle continued unto what seemed like eternity. In my run ins with the law they have neither served nor protected myself or my assets, so it is for that reason that I hold this great hatred.
My junior year in college I was at a party. The 48 hour party to be exact, it was called the 48 hour party because the party went on for two days. Two days is 48 hours, not the most creative thinking on our part, but hey, we were just kids trying to have a good time. The cops showed up on hour #4 of the 48 hour party and took two of my fraternity brothers to jail. One for showing the cop a fake ID the other for backing him up, and in turn giving false information to a officer of the law…….(thou shall not bear false witness) after that the party was officially over, or atleast the first half was, we all agreed try this thing again same time, same place, tomorrow, which was a Saturday night. I showed up to the lodge late. I had just gotten off of work and I was playing a deadly game of catch up, and almost as soon as I got there the party was over. We had made an agreement with the cops to shut the party down early, by almost ½ hour in punishment for the events of last night. I was standing by the door of the lodge, talking and waiting for the bastard to empty out so I could continue drinking because the party was not over for me, I had just begun. People bottlenecked at the front door standing and talking, when all of the sudden I heard the sounds of a fight in the parking lot and quickly ran over to see the last part. When I got to the scene of what I judged to be the fight, I merely saw the aftermath of what looked like a brutal beating. A kid not any older than me was lying on the pavement with blood gushing out of a 2 inch gash above his nose. I began asking questions, “Who hit him” What happened”
Nothing happened he just fell. The sounds of cell phone dialing 911 filled the August night air, the party had taken a turn, now the kids had to act like grown ups. Three people hopped to the aid of the fallen boy and started to give CPR because he was not breathing. My mind could not comprehend what happened that night and still has troubles finding the answers as my fingers try to find the keys to type them, it was my first expericene with death. My generation grew up without Viet Nam. Death was not something that I was accustomed to seeing. The boy was dead on the ground and a lot of us knew it, but their was no way in hell you were going to stop those attempting to save his life from stopping.
he cops showed up about 13 min after the first call came in. They offered no aid to the dying boy. They simply let the three, who had originally offered aid continue, to no avail. The sound of sobs and chatter on the police radio was broken by the whisk-whisk-whisk of the LifeStar mobile ambulance flown in from out of town. Because this boy needed help and needed it badly. When the paramedics showed to the scene he still had a pulse and a heart rate. But it is like trying to jumpstart a dead battery, once its gone its gone. But the determination of those who offere d aid, gave the boy a fighting chance until professional help arrived. As soon as the chopper took back off and headed towards Amarillo, a sheriff look into the tear soaked eyes of a young girl who had placed her mouth on a total stranger in hopes to get him going again and said “You finally did it, you finally killed someone.” And that kiddo is the reason I hate cops.
Strange questions for an man to try to answer. I was still trying to shake the cobwebs out of my head from my afternoon nap when this question was sprung upon me like a lioness on a young gazelle.
“Yeah, of course I did, wait what shots?”
The young boy, led by a grayish sort of Labrador retriever walked over to me and I was eager to get this conversation going, I was in fact in the middle of the story and I felt that the outside world needed to know to goings on at the Indian Trail Apartments. I could see cameras setting up about 100 yards from where I stood, and my mind started to place impossible scenarios together about what had just occurred, and what the outcome might have been.
“ the cops, were down there at that chameleon pick-up, you see the one down there with the pipes?”he said
“Yes I see, what happened?” I asked
“Well the cops were down there dropping a warrant on that guy in that apartment down by that truck, well then he drew he gun and shot at one of the cops”
“He shot a cop?” I asked.
My mind began to race again, creatively persuing an end to this story without having to hear the end of it. That is was good story tellers do, always see the ending far before it happens so that when it POPs you are ready. I have, what some might call a hatred for the man in blue, I don’t respect the badge. Never have. I grew up in a small town where to local bully grew up to be the local cop and the cycle continued unto what seemed like eternity. In my run ins with the law they have neither served nor protected myself or my assets, so it is for that reason that I hold this great hatred.
My junior year in college I was at a party. The 48 hour party to be exact, it was called the 48 hour party because the party went on for two days. Two days is 48 hours, not the most creative thinking on our part, but hey, we were just kids trying to have a good time. The cops showed up on hour #4 of the 48 hour party and took two of my fraternity brothers to jail. One for showing the cop a fake ID the other for backing him up, and in turn giving false information to a officer of the law…….(thou shall not bear false witness) after that the party was officially over, or atleast the first half was, we all agreed try this thing again same time, same place, tomorrow, which was a Saturday night. I showed up to the lodge late. I had just gotten off of work and I was playing a deadly game of catch up, and almost as soon as I got there the party was over. We had made an agreement with the cops to shut the party down early, by almost ½ hour in punishment for the events of last night. I was standing by the door of the lodge, talking and waiting for the bastard to empty out so I could continue drinking because the party was not over for me, I had just begun. People bottlenecked at the front door standing and talking, when all of the sudden I heard the sounds of a fight in the parking lot and quickly ran over to see the last part. When I got to the scene of what I judged to be the fight, I merely saw the aftermath of what looked like a brutal beating. A kid not any older than me was lying on the pavement with blood gushing out of a 2 inch gash above his nose. I began asking questions, “Who hit him” What happened”
Nothing happened he just fell. The sounds of cell phone dialing 911 filled the August night air, the party had taken a turn, now the kids had to act like grown ups. Three people hopped to the aid of the fallen boy and started to give CPR because he was not breathing. My mind could not comprehend what happened that night and still has troubles finding the answers as my fingers try to find the keys to type them, it was my first expericene with death. My generation grew up without Viet Nam. Death was not something that I was accustomed to seeing. The boy was dead on the ground and a lot of us knew it, but their was no way in hell you were going to stop those attempting to save his life from stopping.
he cops showed up about 13 min after the first call came in. They offered no aid to the dying boy. They simply let the three, who had originally offered aid continue, to no avail. The sound of sobs and chatter on the police radio was broken by the whisk-whisk-whisk of the LifeStar mobile ambulance flown in from out of town. Because this boy needed help and needed it badly. When the paramedics showed to the scene he still had a pulse and a heart rate. But it is like trying to jumpstart a dead battery, once its gone its gone. But the determination of those who offere d aid, gave the boy a fighting chance until professional help arrived. As soon as the chopper took back off and headed towards Amarillo, a sheriff look into the tear soaked eyes of a young girl who had placed her mouth on a total stranger in hopes to get him going again and said “You finally did it, you finally killed someone.” And that kiddo is the reason I hate cops.
The Sun Also Rises at the Waffle House
I wrote this 3 years ago I found it last night while I was going through some things.
Valentines Day begins with the threats of no tips and techniques on how to properly prepare salmonella, Walter a cook is now off the clock and has ordered his chicken cooked for 15 seconds. Fifteen fucking seconds, shit I heat up cold pizza longer that that.
He digs in chewing each piece like bubble gum,
Wrigley’s new flavor Bacon.
I have eaten raw bacon in my day. It is not something that I am proud of, it is not a resume builder. But for fucks sake this guy is eating raw chicken. No one seems to notice except me, and of course I keep my mouth shut/
A weird look invades the mans face. Not quite disgust, more like the face the you make the first instant you smelled a fart that you knew was going to be bad. Next comes surprise then pride. No sign of disgust. One can usually stand the smell of their own farts because in a way it is uniquely yours. You made it, and now you have decided to share it with the rest of the world. Why be ashamed of something that you made?
I am sitting at a table with a Bible, studying for a test that I have this morning. A waitress begins to talk about the study Bible that I am reading. She says that she likes the study version better because it is easier to read. I agree with her. She continues with her duties and returns to ask me if I am a born again Christian. I paused for a moment to think, I have, ever since I can remember anyway, been a Christian. I have always relied on Gods will and faith that my life was in his hands.
“I don’t know.” I said
As soon as I responded to her question I realize that there may be a hole inside me that needs to be filled.
“There is nothing that cannot be fixed with prayer.” She winks at me continues the topic of religion for a moment then wipes down the table behind me and walks through the silver swinging doors that leads to the back of the restaurant.
Could this be a sign? Granted it is not a burning bush, but God works in mysterious ways.
Time has come for shift change. Seven o’ clock in the a.m. solemn faces begin to pour in. The day has begun. No sign yet of the sun, but we all await its arrival/ as the night staff leaves they tell stories of a group of drunks that came in a terrorized the place. I have a feeling that I know the guilty parties. I wish that I could go out on school nights, but for the past few months beer has not been a party favor. My addiction has now turned to Nyquil and Equate PM. I am not substance free in the slightest bit. I have come to a point in my life where I can look back on things in life and say, shit that was dumb, but you know what it was fun. I would not take away one memory
The sky has now turned a bluish tint, the signs of day break are all around us, and the rest of the sky remains black.
I am a pussy. I cannot drink coffee unless it is full to the brim with cream an sugar. This is my fourth cup, and I don’t like what it does to me……liar
A family just came in and I am squatting four seats. Fuck off. I have been here since 5 a.m., this is my seat, and if I leave you are more than welcome to take it, but until then take a fucking seat on the stools. Ok that is not the truthful rendition of what happened, I offered my seat to them, but they did not want to sit in the smoking section. Well excuse the fuck out of me for having a bad habit. I am a tax paying American.
Walter is now on his cell phone, no doubt that he is the envy of the trailer park. Hopefully he is calling poison control to schedule an appointment to have his fucking stomach pumped, due to that little stunt that he pulled with the raw chicken.
His awkward huge hands have trouble dialing the numbers. He stares at the phone the same way that a color blind person would stare at Rubik’s cube, totally fucking clueless. Uh oh, no messages tonight. His code is 500; no doubt his answering machine tape is still tape. Go digital Wally. Come on join in on all the fun. Drop that rotary dial phone, or the cordless whose antennae doubles as a pole vault stick an splurge $11 on a new machine. You can even get one with a chick’s voice, not saying that you are lonely, but fuck man, raw chicken? I took psychology and that is a cry for help. He now starts in on a game of snake,
The sky is now a soft purple, you can see red. I don’t see enough sun rises anymore. I don’t think that enough of us take the time to enjoy the small miracles that happen around us each and every day.
Sunrises are just like flushing toilets, they are both something that we take for granted. We never really wonder if the toilet is going to flush when we sit down, we just go about our business. Just like the sun rise, no one sets their alarm, expecting that the sun will not be there.
The sky has now turned. White faces are clear. Some faces stare out the window, seeing what is going on in the outside world. Others stare at the newspaper, in their own way, seeing what is going on in the other parts of the world, all the while not noticing the miracle that is right before their eyes.
Now a orange glow engulfs the horizon the sun begins it trek across the sky, only to set again, but as surely as it sets we all find comfort in the darkness, because no bad it may seem we all know that the sun also rises.
2/14/2002
Valentines Day begins with the threats of no tips and techniques on how to properly prepare salmonella, Walter a cook is now off the clock and has ordered his chicken cooked for 15 seconds. Fifteen fucking seconds, shit I heat up cold pizza longer that that.
He digs in chewing each piece like bubble gum,
Wrigley’s new flavor Bacon.
I have eaten raw bacon in my day. It is not something that I am proud of, it is not a resume builder. But for fucks sake this guy is eating raw chicken. No one seems to notice except me, and of course I keep my mouth shut/
A weird look invades the mans face. Not quite disgust, more like the face the you make the first instant you smelled a fart that you knew was going to be bad. Next comes surprise then pride. No sign of disgust. One can usually stand the smell of their own farts because in a way it is uniquely yours. You made it, and now you have decided to share it with the rest of the world. Why be ashamed of something that you made?
I am sitting at a table with a Bible, studying for a test that I have this morning. A waitress begins to talk about the study Bible that I am reading. She says that she likes the study version better because it is easier to read. I agree with her. She continues with her duties and returns to ask me if I am a born again Christian. I paused for a moment to think, I have, ever since I can remember anyway, been a Christian. I have always relied on Gods will and faith that my life was in his hands.
“I don’t know.” I said
As soon as I responded to her question I realize that there may be a hole inside me that needs to be filled.
“There is nothing that cannot be fixed with prayer.” She winks at me continues the topic of religion for a moment then wipes down the table behind me and walks through the silver swinging doors that leads to the back of the restaurant.
Could this be a sign? Granted it is not a burning bush, but God works in mysterious ways.
Time has come for shift change. Seven o’ clock in the a.m. solemn faces begin to pour in. The day has begun. No sign yet of the sun, but we all await its arrival/ as the night staff leaves they tell stories of a group of drunks that came in a terrorized the place. I have a feeling that I know the guilty parties. I wish that I could go out on school nights, but for the past few months beer has not been a party favor. My addiction has now turned to Nyquil and Equate PM. I am not substance free in the slightest bit. I have come to a point in my life where I can look back on things in life and say, shit that was dumb, but you know what it was fun. I would not take away one memory
The sky has now turned a bluish tint, the signs of day break are all around us, and the rest of the sky remains black.
I am a pussy. I cannot drink coffee unless it is full to the brim with cream an sugar. This is my fourth cup, and I don’t like what it does to me……liar
A family just came in and I am squatting four seats. Fuck off. I have been here since 5 a.m., this is my seat, and if I leave you are more than welcome to take it, but until then take a fucking seat on the stools. Ok that is not the truthful rendition of what happened, I offered my seat to them, but they did not want to sit in the smoking section. Well excuse the fuck out of me for having a bad habit. I am a tax paying American.
Walter is now on his cell phone, no doubt that he is the envy of the trailer park. Hopefully he is calling poison control to schedule an appointment to have his fucking stomach pumped, due to that little stunt that he pulled with the raw chicken.
His awkward huge hands have trouble dialing the numbers. He stares at the phone the same way that a color blind person would stare at Rubik’s cube, totally fucking clueless. Uh oh, no messages tonight. His code is 500; no doubt his answering machine tape is still tape. Go digital Wally. Come on join in on all the fun. Drop that rotary dial phone, or the cordless whose antennae doubles as a pole vault stick an splurge $11 on a new machine. You can even get one with a chick’s voice, not saying that you are lonely, but fuck man, raw chicken? I took psychology and that is a cry for help. He now starts in on a game of snake,
The sky is now a soft purple, you can see red. I don’t see enough sun rises anymore. I don’t think that enough of us take the time to enjoy the small miracles that happen around us each and every day.
Sunrises are just like flushing toilets, they are both something that we take for granted. We never really wonder if the toilet is going to flush when we sit down, we just go about our business. Just like the sun rise, no one sets their alarm, expecting that the sun will not be there.
The sky has now turned. White faces are clear. Some faces stare out the window, seeing what is going on in the outside world. Others stare at the newspaper, in their own way, seeing what is going on in the other parts of the world, all the while not noticing the miracle that is right before their eyes.
Now a orange glow engulfs the horizon the sun begins it trek across the sky, only to set again, but as surely as it sets we all find comfort in the darkness, because no bad it may seem we all know that the sun also rises.
2/14/2002
X Marked the Spot
It was the first time that she said
“I love you”
My response was
“Thanks”
We had hung out all day, I was off and so was she, I was her boss, and so I arranged it so that we could both have a Saturday together. We hadn’t done a whole lot that day, we hit a few garage sales that morning, but for the most part we were just being lazy. At around 10 o’clock that evening we got moving went to the beer store and picked up enough drinks for the evening. There was a party that we were all meeting at after everyone got off of work. We had planned to go early and wait for everyone to get there.
I had troubles finding the house, it was in a neighborhood in Amarillo that I was not familiar with, when I finally found the house, we both got out, I tossed the beer that I had been drinking under my Jeep and headed towards the house.
As I walked in the living room was empty, but there were voices outside on the patio. I walked past the big screen TV that was playing footage of a Eric’s 20th birthday party. I walked to the patio and opened the door. As I scanned the crowd for a familiar face, I didn’t know anyone there so I went back in and set my beer in the fridge. I grabbed two beers and headed back out. Leah was talking with one of her girlfriends, Randi, so I joined in on the conversation. She hugged me as she talked to Randi, they were making plans of what to do for the evening. They decided that they would go to Bennigans to pick up another one of their girlfriends, and meet back at the party at midnight. I decided to stay and wait for Eric to get off work.
I hung back while they were gone. I was not in a very social mood. I had a long week and all I wanted to do was go home and drink a couple of beers and hang out with Leah, but she was a social butterfly, and she enjoyed Saturday nights abroad instead of at home. So I humored her and decided that I could hang for a few more hours.
I walked to the fence near the back of the yard to take a piss. As I was reliving myself, my cell phone rang, it was Leah.
“I just wanted to call and say something”
“Ok what” I asked, I expected to hear that she had found another party, and that she would meet up with me later.
“I love you,” she said
My heart started to pound. I was so god damn afraid of the “L” word. It surprised me to hear her say it. I had strong feelings for her ever since we started hanging out, but I had been burned a couple of thousand of times by the whores in Amarillo so I was a little reluctant to hear the word, because I knew that the whole relationship was about to change, but I was excited (hence the heart-beat) so I said the only thing that I could think of.
“Thanks”
“Thanks?” she asked
“Yeah thanks, I mean I love you too.” I couldn’t believe that I had just said those words. That evil fucking trinity of words. They have never worked out for me. Love in over-fucking rated. It is an emotion, and emotions are not true. OK enough of being bitter. Maybe this time would be different, maybe she was the one………Leah Graves I thought as I zipped up my pants and headed back to the patio. I cracked another beer and began to ponder what exactly was the cool way to play this “love “ thing out when she showed back up to the party.
Eric showed up and I told him about the 3 words.
“Fuck that, man” he said, “she is probably drunk or stoned”
Well thanks for that vote of confidence.
I had gone from having “feelings” for this girl to being head over heels in a matter of 30 minutes (and 6 beers). And that is the reason that I hate is so much, I fall too fast, I begin to feel comfortable around someone way too fast and the next thing that I know one of my buddies is telling me that he saw my girlfriend blowing Tonto the door-guy at the club for free admission and a hand stamp.
When she got back to the party we talked and held each other, she sat in my lap and we made plans to head back to my apartment and do dirty things to each other. Then this fuckstain named Derrick came over to us and asked us if we wanted to “roll”
For the non-educated “rolling” is the term used when you take ecstasy.
MDMA-ecstasy.org
MDMA (3-4 methylenedioxymethamphetamine) is a synthetic, psychoactive drug chemically similar to the stimulant methamphetamine and the hallucinogen mescaline. Street names for MDMA include Ecstasy, Adam, XTC, hug, beans, and love drug. In 2003, an estimated 470,000 people in the U.S. age 12 and older used MDMA in the past 30 days, a significant decrease from 2002*Research in animals indicates that MDMA is neurotoxic; whether or not this is also true in humans is currently an area of intense investigation. MDMA can also be dangerous to health and, on rare occasions, lethal.MDMA exerts its primary effects in the brain on neurons that use the chemical serotonin to communicate with other neurons. The serotonin system plays an important role in regulating mood, aggression, sexual activity, sleep, and sensitivity to pain.
I was not that excited about taking mind-altering drugs with people that I did not know. But she really wanted to roll, she said it would bring us closer than humanly possibly, so I decided what the hell, buy the ticket, take the ride.
She left with that fucking cock-knocker Derrick to go buy supplies (lotion, Vicks Vapor-Rub, cigarettes and gum) I waited at the party with Eric. I had never had the drug, I wanted to know what to expect.
“It’s a lot of fun, but be careful, don’t take too much, let me roll first, I really don’t know how much I trust this Derrick guy,” he said.
He has always been a good friend, my best friend, and on a night like that night I needed that.
I continued to drink beer while we waited on Leah and Derrick to get back with the goodies. When they arrived we got into his truck and went back to his apartment.
Drug Advice----when trying a drug for the first time, be around comfortable settings, with people you love and trust.
We got upstairs and he started to hand out the pills, triple stacked blue dolphins. Leah placed one on her tongue and then placed it on mine, I had never felt more like a rock star in my life. There I was with a beautiful girl that loved me about to go on a magical ride courtesy of a chemist in Amsterdam. We all took a pill and sat down on the couches and started to talk about how much they all loved X and how much fun I was about to have, the colors, and the music, oh man wait until you hear the music, you can feel it, you can almost see the music. You two (Leah and I) are about to have so much fun. About 15 min into I began seeing the others in the room rub their hands on there jeans and then begin to shake their hands out kind of like when your hand falls asleep and you try to wake it back up.
“I am so fucked up, I am rolling hard” Leah said, “You feel it yet?”
I looked into her eyes, the green in hers eyes was gone, all that remain was a giant black pupil.
“Nope”
I didn’t feel anything. I decided to wait on it.
15 minutes later they were all on the floor, rubbing each other’s backs and shoulders. The techno music was blaring on the speakers that surrounded the room. I could hear the music but that was it, I couldn’t feel it, I couldn’t see it.
“I think I might be broken,” I said
I still felt no effects of the drug that I had just taken. Derrick handed me another pill and a half along with a 1000mg Vitamin C tablet.
I swallowed the pills plus the half, took off my shirt and got onto the floor. I figured that if the drug didn’t kick in soon I could just fake it, just so I didn’t ruin Leah’s time. But the fucker kicked in almost as soon as I hit the carpet, my body was on fire. The feeling that I can closest associate it is similar to the feeling that you have when you have a really high fever. You whole body aches, but it feels amazing when you rub your hands down your skin. I laid on the floor while Leah rubbed handfuls of lotion on my back. After that I began to feel a little weird. The drug had moved on me and now my heart was beating a little to fast for my liking, I sat on the couch and lit a cigarette, Derrick started to rub Leah’s back, but I really didn’t care too much after all she loved me. Eric sat next to me for a while and we talked, it seemed like for just minutes but we talked for almost an hour, I looked around the room and Leah was gone, as was Derrick. I thought they may be in the kitchen, I had not seen them get up, but my mind was on other things, I had drank roughly 100 gallons of water since the whole ordeal began, and I had to piss. I opened the door to Derrick’s bedroom that lead to the only bathroom in the apartment and found the light and walked into el bano. I unzipped my pants and to my surprise, I had become female in the past 2 hours. My member was nowhere to be seen, I laughed about it as I sat down to pee. As I sat there I started to have those “love” thoughts again, I was so happy to be “loved”. I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror.
Drug Advice #2
When doing dangerous drugs never EVER look at your-self in the mirror.
My eyes looked liked two black pills had replaced my baby blues. I opened the door and saw Leah fucking Derrick, riding him like a cowgirl. My heart stopped and my brain tried to place this in a file. But the file did not exist, my mind was lost in this drug, I walked out of the bedroom and sat on the couch and started to smoke cigarettes. I smoked almost two packs before I could begin to think again. The sun was beginning to peek though the heavy black blankets that were covering the windows of cock faces apartment.
I just sat there, I could not concentrate on anything else except that image of my girlfriend riding this total stranger, it didn’t seem real, but I had seen it, it was not a hallucination, there is no way that my mind could ever dream up such a horrific and heartbreaking sight.
So I just sat there until they emerged from the bedroom. They took one look at me and freaked.
“You look like you are going to pop,” he said
“Fuck you.” I said; “get me out of here”
Derrick drove Eric and I back to my apartment. Leah said that she was going to stay there and finish her roll, and that she would call me later.
She came by the house later that night and broke up with me.
Derrick and her started dating, they were together two weeks before he brought home another girl and fucked her next to Leah, while she was passed out. She woke up halfway through, and that folks, well that makes me smile. Karma is a motherfucker, it will always come back to bite you in the ass. Love is also a motherfucker it is not to be taken lightly. As for me and Leah, that was it, we never got back together, I don’t play that way, I don’t know what he said to get her into his bed, and I don’t know what convinced her that she was better off with him, I don’t know what I did to make her fall “out” of love in 6 hours. But oh well, fuck her. Oh yeah by the way I heard that he did give her a gift during their two week relationship, which is more than I gave her, the gift that keeps on giving. Leah Mosier had herpes……….spread it around.
“I love you”
My response was
“Thanks”
We had hung out all day, I was off and so was she, I was her boss, and so I arranged it so that we could both have a Saturday together. We hadn’t done a whole lot that day, we hit a few garage sales that morning, but for the most part we were just being lazy. At around 10 o’clock that evening we got moving went to the beer store and picked up enough drinks for the evening. There was a party that we were all meeting at after everyone got off of work. We had planned to go early and wait for everyone to get there.
I had troubles finding the house, it was in a neighborhood in Amarillo that I was not familiar with, when I finally found the house, we both got out, I tossed the beer that I had been drinking under my Jeep and headed towards the house.
As I walked in the living room was empty, but there were voices outside on the patio. I walked past the big screen TV that was playing footage of a Eric’s 20th birthday party. I walked to the patio and opened the door. As I scanned the crowd for a familiar face, I didn’t know anyone there so I went back in and set my beer in the fridge. I grabbed two beers and headed back out. Leah was talking with one of her girlfriends, Randi, so I joined in on the conversation. She hugged me as she talked to Randi, they were making plans of what to do for the evening. They decided that they would go to Bennigans to pick up another one of their girlfriends, and meet back at the party at midnight. I decided to stay and wait for Eric to get off work.
I hung back while they were gone. I was not in a very social mood. I had a long week and all I wanted to do was go home and drink a couple of beers and hang out with Leah, but she was a social butterfly, and she enjoyed Saturday nights abroad instead of at home. So I humored her and decided that I could hang for a few more hours.
I walked to the fence near the back of the yard to take a piss. As I was reliving myself, my cell phone rang, it was Leah.
“I just wanted to call and say something”
“Ok what” I asked, I expected to hear that she had found another party, and that she would meet up with me later.
“I love you,” she said
My heart started to pound. I was so god damn afraid of the “L” word. It surprised me to hear her say it. I had strong feelings for her ever since we started hanging out, but I had been burned a couple of thousand of times by the whores in Amarillo so I was a little reluctant to hear the word, because I knew that the whole relationship was about to change, but I was excited (hence the heart-beat) so I said the only thing that I could think of.
“Thanks”
“Thanks?” she asked
“Yeah thanks, I mean I love you too.” I couldn’t believe that I had just said those words. That evil fucking trinity of words. They have never worked out for me. Love in over-fucking rated. It is an emotion, and emotions are not true. OK enough of being bitter. Maybe this time would be different, maybe she was the one………Leah Graves I thought as I zipped up my pants and headed back to the patio. I cracked another beer and began to ponder what exactly was the cool way to play this “love “ thing out when she showed back up to the party.
Eric showed up and I told him about the 3 words.
“Fuck that, man” he said, “she is probably drunk or stoned”
Well thanks for that vote of confidence.
I had gone from having “feelings” for this girl to being head over heels in a matter of 30 minutes (and 6 beers). And that is the reason that I hate is so much, I fall too fast, I begin to feel comfortable around someone way too fast and the next thing that I know one of my buddies is telling me that he saw my girlfriend blowing Tonto the door-guy at the club for free admission and a hand stamp.
When she got back to the party we talked and held each other, she sat in my lap and we made plans to head back to my apartment and do dirty things to each other. Then this fuckstain named Derrick came over to us and asked us if we wanted to “roll”
For the non-educated “rolling” is the term used when you take ecstasy.
MDMA-ecstasy.org
MDMA (3-4 methylenedioxymethamphetamine) is a synthetic, psychoactive drug chemically similar to the stimulant methamphetamine and the hallucinogen mescaline. Street names for MDMA include Ecstasy, Adam, XTC, hug, beans, and love drug. In 2003, an estimated 470,000 people in the U.S. age 12 and older used MDMA in the past 30 days, a significant decrease from 2002*Research in animals indicates that MDMA is neurotoxic; whether or not this is also true in humans is currently an area of intense investigation. MDMA can also be dangerous to health and, on rare occasions, lethal.MDMA exerts its primary effects in the brain on neurons that use the chemical serotonin to communicate with other neurons. The serotonin system plays an important role in regulating mood, aggression, sexual activity, sleep, and sensitivity to pain.
I was not that excited about taking mind-altering drugs with people that I did not know. But she really wanted to roll, she said it would bring us closer than humanly possibly, so I decided what the hell, buy the ticket, take the ride.
She left with that fucking cock-knocker Derrick to go buy supplies (lotion, Vicks Vapor-Rub, cigarettes and gum) I waited at the party with Eric. I had never had the drug, I wanted to know what to expect.
“It’s a lot of fun, but be careful, don’t take too much, let me roll first, I really don’t know how much I trust this Derrick guy,” he said.
He has always been a good friend, my best friend, and on a night like that night I needed that.
I continued to drink beer while we waited on Leah and Derrick to get back with the goodies. When they arrived we got into his truck and went back to his apartment.
Drug Advice----when trying a drug for the first time, be around comfortable settings, with people you love and trust.
We got upstairs and he started to hand out the pills, triple stacked blue dolphins. Leah placed one on her tongue and then placed it on mine, I had never felt more like a rock star in my life. There I was with a beautiful girl that loved me about to go on a magical ride courtesy of a chemist in Amsterdam. We all took a pill and sat down on the couches and started to talk about how much they all loved X and how much fun I was about to have, the colors, and the music, oh man wait until you hear the music, you can feel it, you can almost see the music. You two (Leah and I) are about to have so much fun. About 15 min into I began seeing the others in the room rub their hands on there jeans and then begin to shake their hands out kind of like when your hand falls asleep and you try to wake it back up.
“I am so fucked up, I am rolling hard” Leah said, “You feel it yet?”
I looked into her eyes, the green in hers eyes was gone, all that remain was a giant black pupil.
“Nope”
I didn’t feel anything. I decided to wait on it.
15 minutes later they were all on the floor, rubbing each other’s backs and shoulders. The techno music was blaring on the speakers that surrounded the room. I could hear the music but that was it, I couldn’t feel it, I couldn’t see it.
“I think I might be broken,” I said
I still felt no effects of the drug that I had just taken. Derrick handed me another pill and a half along with a 1000mg Vitamin C tablet.
I swallowed the pills plus the half, took off my shirt and got onto the floor. I figured that if the drug didn’t kick in soon I could just fake it, just so I didn’t ruin Leah’s time. But the fucker kicked in almost as soon as I hit the carpet, my body was on fire. The feeling that I can closest associate it is similar to the feeling that you have when you have a really high fever. You whole body aches, but it feels amazing when you rub your hands down your skin. I laid on the floor while Leah rubbed handfuls of lotion on my back. After that I began to feel a little weird. The drug had moved on me and now my heart was beating a little to fast for my liking, I sat on the couch and lit a cigarette, Derrick started to rub Leah’s back, but I really didn’t care too much after all she loved me. Eric sat next to me for a while and we talked, it seemed like for just minutes but we talked for almost an hour, I looked around the room and Leah was gone, as was Derrick. I thought they may be in the kitchen, I had not seen them get up, but my mind was on other things, I had drank roughly 100 gallons of water since the whole ordeal began, and I had to piss. I opened the door to Derrick’s bedroom that lead to the only bathroom in the apartment and found the light and walked into el bano. I unzipped my pants and to my surprise, I had become female in the past 2 hours. My member was nowhere to be seen, I laughed about it as I sat down to pee. As I sat there I started to have those “love” thoughts again, I was so happy to be “loved”. I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror.
Drug Advice #2
When doing dangerous drugs never EVER look at your-self in the mirror.
My eyes looked liked two black pills had replaced my baby blues. I opened the door and saw Leah fucking Derrick, riding him like a cowgirl. My heart stopped and my brain tried to place this in a file. But the file did not exist, my mind was lost in this drug, I walked out of the bedroom and sat on the couch and started to smoke cigarettes. I smoked almost two packs before I could begin to think again. The sun was beginning to peek though the heavy black blankets that were covering the windows of cock faces apartment.
I just sat there, I could not concentrate on anything else except that image of my girlfriend riding this total stranger, it didn’t seem real, but I had seen it, it was not a hallucination, there is no way that my mind could ever dream up such a horrific and heartbreaking sight.
So I just sat there until they emerged from the bedroom. They took one look at me and freaked.
“You look like you are going to pop,” he said
“Fuck you.” I said; “get me out of here”
Derrick drove Eric and I back to my apartment. Leah said that she was going to stay there and finish her roll, and that she would call me later.
She came by the house later that night and broke up with me.
Derrick and her started dating, they were together two weeks before he brought home another girl and fucked her next to Leah, while she was passed out. She woke up halfway through, and that folks, well that makes me smile. Karma is a motherfucker, it will always come back to bite you in the ass. Love is also a motherfucker it is not to be taken lightly. As for me and Leah, that was it, we never got back together, I don’t play that way, I don’t know what he said to get her into his bed, and I don’t know what convinced her that she was better off with him, I don’t know what I did to make her fall “out” of love in 6 hours. But oh well, fuck her. Oh yeah by the way I heard that he did give her a gift during their two week relationship, which is more than I gave her, the gift that keeps on giving. Leah Mosier had herpes……….spread it around.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
My Dad Thinks I Smoke Crack
"Desperation is the raw material of drastic change. Only those who can leave behind everything they have ever believed in can hope to escape."
William S. Burroughs
I took one of the biggest whores in Muleshoe High School to my junior prom. I had seen all the movies, and I believed all the myths, that everyone lost their virginity on prom night. In my case I took out an insurance policy on my virginity claim. I took a girl I knew would put out, if I had been in Vegas taking odds on the chance of me getting laid, I would have bet the farm. (I don’t own a farm, but just go with the fucking analogy OK?)
I started smoking pot my Jr year in high school, and this girl would smoke me out all the time, one afternoon while we were high we thought it would be funny if her and I went to prom together. I don't guess I found the humor in it, she laughed her ass off. The idea of going to prom with me was somehow the single funniest idea she ever had, and now as I sit and write down these memories, I hate her even more. She had taken me as a joke. In high school I was a pretty big ass-hat. I had little if no social skills, bad hair, and thick glasses. This girl was popular (esp. with the guys). And when the rumor mill churned out the news that I was taking Ransley, every guy in the school, looked at me different. They all knew that around 11 o'clock the night of prom I would be knee deep in ass, and they were all jealous.
I had no experience with sex, in fact I had never even kissed a girl, so attempting to poon a girl with this much experience was scary.
What if I did it wrong?
Would she tell everyone?
I knew I wasn’t the coolest kid in town, but if I did something stupid, that last year of high school was going to be rough
My parents heard the news and went completely ape shit. They knew what I was planning, and they hated it. They thought that I should wait until I got married until I had sex, they knew that I took this girl to prom I would come back de-flowered, and I would no longer be their little boy.
I would be a man. A man who lost his virginity, to the loosest whore in the 79347
Prom night came and my mom would not acknowledge my presence. She had been giving me the silent treatment since she heard the news. It sucked, I love my mom, and her silence was like her telling me that she hated me, or rather hated my decision. Still I went to prom. I had to grow up sometime.
Prom sucked, so we left early. A bunch of my buddies and I had gotten some beers and we were drinking them on some farmland on the south side of town. My mom had help organized an anti-fun after prom party. And let me tell you my popularity skyrocketed. The “party” started at 12:30. It was more of a lock out than it was a lock in. If you were not there by 12:30, you did not get in, if you did not get in, your parents knew that you didn’t show up. But I didn’t have to worry about any of this, because my mom and dad were both there.
The clock was ticking I had to get my groove on in order to be at the lock in-out, by 12:30
We were sitting on the tailgate of Darren’s pick-up when she grabbed my by the hand and pulled me into her car. We started to kiss, and I thought, this is it! It is finally going to happen. We made out for a while when she said
“I am not going to fuck you, you know that right?”
“ Oh, sure of course, it never even crossed my mind” I said back
She then started kissing me again and started sucking on my bottom lip. At first I thought it was cool, but then the pain came. I tried to pull away, but she just sucked harder, and harder and harder. I had no idea if this is how the make out session was supposed to go. I had never read anything about sucking on lips, well at least the ones on the face, as being sexual.
She finally stopped it was getting close to 12:30 and she dropped my off at the “party”
I was giddy with excitement, even though I didn’t have sex I had just had a crazy make out session with the schools biggest slut. My heart was full of joy, but my bottom lip really hurt.
I woke up the next morning and the pain of my lip had gone from a 1 to a 10. I couldn’t talk. She had given me a hickey on my bottom lip and the fucker had turned blue. My top lip was red and the bottom was blue as I walked into Sunday morning services at the First United Methodist Church. People starred, and people giggled, I looked ridiculous.
When we got home from church my dad came into my room and said that we needed to have a talk.
“Oh, shit” I thought, here it comes the infamous sex talk. My dad thinks that I got some ass last night and now was his cue to teach me about the birds and the bees.
“What is wrong with your lip?” he asked
“Nothing, I don’t know, what are you talking about?” I rebutted
“It looks like you burned your lip, are you smoking crack?” he asked
His question hit me like a ton of bricks, I didn’t think my dad knew about crack. Hell, I didn’t know about crack.
Can a crack pipe get so hot it will burn you lips? I asked my self
“No, it’s a hickey, Ransley sucked the shit out of my bottom lip, and now I have a hickey” I said.
“Shit” he said and started laughing, “does it hurt?”
“Does it look it hurts?” I asked him sucking in on my swollen blue lip.
My dad started to laugh again; I think he felt more relief than joy.
He had walked into his only sons room less that 1 minute before thinking that his son had a drug problem, and was walking out knowing that his boy was just a stupid kid who let a whore get the best of him.
William S. Burroughs
I took one of the biggest whores in Muleshoe High School to my junior prom. I had seen all the movies, and I believed all the myths, that everyone lost their virginity on prom night. In my case I took out an insurance policy on my virginity claim. I took a girl I knew would put out, if I had been in Vegas taking odds on the chance of me getting laid, I would have bet the farm. (I don’t own a farm, but just go with the fucking analogy OK?)
I started smoking pot my Jr year in high school, and this girl would smoke me out all the time, one afternoon while we were high we thought it would be funny if her and I went to prom together. I don't guess I found the humor in it, she laughed her ass off. The idea of going to prom with me was somehow the single funniest idea she ever had, and now as I sit and write down these memories, I hate her even more. She had taken me as a joke. In high school I was a pretty big ass-hat. I had little if no social skills, bad hair, and thick glasses. This girl was popular (esp. with the guys). And when the rumor mill churned out the news that I was taking Ransley, every guy in the school, looked at me different. They all knew that around 11 o'clock the night of prom I would be knee deep in ass, and they were all jealous.
I had no experience with sex, in fact I had never even kissed a girl, so attempting to poon a girl with this much experience was scary.
What if I did it wrong?
Would she tell everyone?
I knew I wasn’t the coolest kid in town, but if I did something stupid, that last year of high school was going to be rough
My parents heard the news and went completely ape shit. They knew what I was planning, and they hated it. They thought that I should wait until I got married until I had sex, they knew that I took this girl to prom I would come back de-flowered, and I would no longer be their little boy.
I would be a man. A man who lost his virginity, to the loosest whore in the 79347
Prom night came and my mom would not acknowledge my presence. She had been giving me the silent treatment since she heard the news. It sucked, I love my mom, and her silence was like her telling me that she hated me, or rather hated my decision. Still I went to prom. I had to grow up sometime.
Prom sucked, so we left early. A bunch of my buddies and I had gotten some beers and we were drinking them on some farmland on the south side of town. My mom had help organized an anti-fun after prom party. And let me tell you my popularity skyrocketed. The “party” started at 12:30. It was more of a lock out than it was a lock in. If you were not there by 12:30, you did not get in, if you did not get in, your parents knew that you didn’t show up. But I didn’t have to worry about any of this, because my mom and dad were both there.
The clock was ticking I had to get my groove on in order to be at the lock in-out, by 12:30
We were sitting on the tailgate of Darren’s pick-up when she grabbed my by the hand and pulled me into her car. We started to kiss, and I thought, this is it! It is finally going to happen. We made out for a while when she said
“I am not going to fuck you, you know that right?”
“ Oh, sure of course, it never even crossed my mind” I said back
She then started kissing me again and started sucking on my bottom lip. At first I thought it was cool, but then the pain came. I tried to pull away, but she just sucked harder, and harder and harder. I had no idea if this is how the make out session was supposed to go. I had never read anything about sucking on lips, well at least the ones on the face, as being sexual.
She finally stopped it was getting close to 12:30 and she dropped my off at the “party”
I was giddy with excitement, even though I didn’t have sex I had just had a crazy make out session with the schools biggest slut. My heart was full of joy, but my bottom lip really hurt.
I woke up the next morning and the pain of my lip had gone from a 1 to a 10. I couldn’t talk. She had given me a hickey on my bottom lip and the fucker had turned blue. My top lip was red and the bottom was blue as I walked into Sunday morning services at the First United Methodist Church. People starred, and people giggled, I looked ridiculous.
When we got home from church my dad came into my room and said that we needed to have a talk.
“Oh, shit” I thought, here it comes the infamous sex talk. My dad thinks that I got some ass last night and now was his cue to teach me about the birds and the bees.
“What is wrong with your lip?” he asked
“Nothing, I don’t know, what are you talking about?” I rebutted
“It looks like you burned your lip, are you smoking crack?” he asked
His question hit me like a ton of bricks, I didn’t think my dad knew about crack. Hell, I didn’t know about crack.
Can a crack pipe get so hot it will burn you lips? I asked my self
“No, it’s a hickey, Ransley sucked the shit out of my bottom lip, and now I have a hickey” I said.
“Shit” he said and started laughing, “does it hurt?”
“Does it look it hurts?” I asked him sucking in on my swollen blue lip.
My dad started to laugh again; I think he felt more relief than joy.
He had walked into his only sons room less that 1 minute before thinking that his son had a drug problem, and was walking out knowing that his boy was just a stupid kid who let a whore get the best of him.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
My Ackward Rodeo (8 Seconds of Strange)
There are certain moments of a young mans life that he looks forward to. None of these moments are more precious or in my case more ackward than the night that I lost my virginity.
I had only kissed one girl before that night, (see future post My Dad Thinks I Smoke Crack), so to say that I was inexperienced, would be like saying Louis Farrakhan kind of hates white people, it would be a huge understatement.
The phone rang in my dorm room about 9 o'clock
"Dude get over here we are playing P&A (Presidents and Assholes) we need another player” said David a fraternity brother of mine.
"Who is there?” I asked
"Just me and Jody and Cody and Amy" David replied.
"OK, I will be there in a bit" I said and hung up the phone.
I was not that excited about heading over to a "party" with only 3 people. It was after all a Thursday night, I had to weigh my options carefully, and tonight could be the night that I loose my V card.
There was nothing else going on so I headed over to Cody’s apartment to play drinking games, guanteeing my self the chance not to get laid. I had become comfortable with the fact that I would more than likely die a virgin.
When I opened to door, I saw boobs, Jody's boobs, and my soul smiled. The games had shifted from P&A, to a fucked up version of Truth or Dare aka get the drunk girls naked. This was a game I had little experience with; these were actually the first boobs I had ever seen in real person. I couldn’t breath. I laugh nervously. I looked freakingly perverse because I did not take my eyes of the pillow that Jody was covering her boobs with. I just stared, I really didn’t even pretend to look somewhere else when she caught my eye, I had been hypnotized by those areolas, and I had found what I had been looking for.
She starting making out with David and I felt the slim chance that I had of laying the smack down slipping away, so I started to drink. I sat and drank and talked, the girls at this point had ended the game and put their clothes back on. David and Jody were still kissing one another so I drank four or five beers and had to break the seal. When I got back from the bathroom David was gone. He had gone home, leaving me in charge of finishing what he started. I drank another beer and talked with Jody. The next thing I know we were on her bed, still just talking about stupid shit, the guys that she liked who didn’t like her. I agreed with her and told her that guys can be assholes sometimes and told her that she should not let it bother her; I told her that she was beautiful and should have no problem getting a guy.
The next thing I know her tongue is down my throat. I was trying to be suave and move my tongue around, but it wasn’t working. She took off my shirt and licked my stomach, my whole body shivered.
Soon after that both of our clothes were off and I had placed my body into the point of no return, basic missionary, nothing special. I don’t remember breathing for the next minute or so, I had practiced this moment for the past 5 years, and now that the moment was at hand I was like a retarded kid trying to hit a piñata. I "started" with a thrust, and after that thrust I was done. Less that 8 seconds from the start, I was done. The only person in the room that was more surprised than me was her. My ackward little Rodeo was over.
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Every Good Deed Goes unPUNISHED
My life was going in the wrong direction. I had a crappy job, no money, no girl, no social life to really speak of, unless of course, drinking an entire bottle of NyQuil and laughing hysterically at cartoons at home on cable on a Friday night is considered social. Which I think most psychologist will agree, the answer is no.
So to summarize, I had no girl, no job(decent), and no hope of anything improving in the immediate future, keep in mind this is not a sob story, but rather the back story to my living situation that built up to the events of that March morning over a year ago
I always went to the same Toot n Tootum (a convenience store) every morning to get a Dr. Pepper and a pack of cigarettes. My daily routine started with this daily dose of nicotine and caffeine. As I was filling up my Styrofoam cup with the wonderful nectar, a guy came up from behind me and asked me if I had any change that I could spare. I looked at the .75 cents that I had in my hand and "
This is all the money that I have, sorry” I said.
"Don't sweat it" they guy said and went back to making his hot dog behind me.
I finished filling up my cup and as I was putting on the lid he approached me again and asked me if I could give him a ride to his grandmothers house. I told him that I was on my way to work and was practically late already.
He nodded and said "That's cool, don't worry about it" As I was stabbing the straw into the lid I began to think to myself, maybe if I help this guy out, God will shine upon me, no good deed goes unrewarded right?
"Hey where do you live" I asked, and he told me that he lived off Grand, in fact is not too far from where I was going.
"I can take you." I said.
"Thanks brother, I can give you five bucks if you take me there" he said. My brain paused, didn’t this guy try to get money from me a second ago? He had five dollars, why would he try to get me to give him money? I ignored this because in my mind the decision to give him a ride had already been made, and I was coming out of the deal $5 richer, my luck was already starting to change.
I told him that I would wait for him outside in my Jeep, and asked him if he would hurry, because I was running late for work. I got to my car and watched as he paid for his hot dog. He walked out side and got into my Jeep. I reversed out of my parking spot looking at the clock on the radio, I had five minutes to get him there and then to work, I could show up a little late after all I needed to do this good deed, I needed a little good fortune to come my way.
"Hey man, you mind stopping by my homies' place for a second, I need to get my key?" he said 3 minutes "No problem where is it?" I asked "Jackson Square Apartments" he said. Almost as soon as I heard him say Jackson Squ...., my heart stopped. Jackson Square was known for its frequency of shooting, knifings and frequent rapes. It was not exactly a place that I chose to hang out in front of. "Sure, how long is this going to take?" I asked. "Two minutes" he said as I pulled up to the apartments.
1 minute
I sat in my Jeep and kept an eye on the front door. My "White-side" came out, because as soon as he closed the door when he got out I locked it. And sat and waited.
2 minutes late
And waited
5 minutes late
And waited
10 minutes late
I had enough I was about to start honking my horn, which was not a good idea. Imagine the whitest guy that you know laying on his horn at 8 o'clock in the morning in front of a predominately black community. I am not a racist, but this was not a good idea, and I knew it, but I was fed up, and pissed that I was late for work, so at the time it seemed like a good idea. I placed my hand on the Jeep logo on the steering wheel and was about to press down when he emerged though the main door of the complex.
He walked up to the door and tried to open it, he gave me a puzzled look when I leaned over to unlock the door. He got in and we were off.
12 minutes late.
As we drove I said nothing, I was (in my head) trying to figure out the fastest route to where he needed to go. As I was mapping out the trip he said.
"So do you mess around"
"Do what?" I asked,
"Do you mess around?" he said again.
"I don't understand what you are saying,” I said. Although I knew exactly what he was asking, either he wanted to know I did drugs or he was asking if I was gay.
"Do you mess around?” he said for the third time I just shrugged my shoulders and gave him a puzzled look.
"Are you gay?" he asked
"No man, straight as an arrow" I said
"Cause I really want to suck your cock!" he said everyone I have told this story too said they would have stopped the car at this popint and beat the shit out of him. Not me I just stepped on the gas.
"Nope not gay, I am all about the pussy" I said. He was now grabbing his dick and massaging it, I could see this out of the corner of my eye, my eyes were focused on the road ahead and my only goal was to get this guy where he needed to go as fast as I could.
"Man I really get horny when I do a bunch of coke, and I wanna suck your dick" he said again as if I had just miss-heard his first offer. I laughed nervously
"No thanks man...me ..........pussy...we are tight" I stammered
My foot was now pressed so far down on the gas pedal that it could go no further. The pedal was to the medal, I had to get this faggot home, and I had to complete the good deed.
"Want to do some blow?" he asked as he pulled out a baggie filled with cocaine.
"Uh...No"I said He poured the coke on the dash, ignoring my request not to snort Bolivian flake, and stared to "line it up" I was speechless.
My attention was on the coke on the dash, no longer on the road. My brain could not process the weirdness first from the guy offering me a blowjob and now he was snorting coke off of the dash of my car. I regained my composure and looked back to the road, only to see a police roadblock in front of me.
My brain shut down
"Eat shit fucker you are on your own" my brain said to me. "I'll be back when this whole thing is over"
There was a wreck on the street ahead of me, police were guiding traffic away from the scene, so I did the only logical thing my I could come up with..................I drove right thought the fucker, missing a patrol car by a few feet.
"Are you crazy, what are you doing?" the young cokehead faggot asked me, with cocaine still on his nose.
"Shut the fuck up, I am getting out of here,” I said.
I hit the gas as soon as I got out of the area of the wreck, I looked into the rear view mirror, so far so good, no black and whites where following me.
The remainder of the trip was a blur; I drove 15 blocks and literally have no memory of it. The next thing I do remember was stopping in front of the gas station that was his destination. He stepped out of the car.
"Man that was close." he said and snorted the last bit of coke left in his nostril
I did not respond
"Thanks for the ride, oh yeah I almost forgot, here is your $5"he said He handed me a gift certificate to Ruby Tequilas worth $5.
All this for a fucking gift certificate.
So to summarize, I had no girl, no job(decent), and no hope of anything improving in the immediate future, keep in mind this is not a sob story, but rather the back story to my living situation that built up to the events of that March morning over a year ago
I always went to the same Toot n Tootum (a convenience store) every morning to get a Dr. Pepper and a pack of cigarettes. My daily routine started with this daily dose of nicotine and caffeine. As I was filling up my Styrofoam cup with the wonderful nectar, a guy came up from behind me and asked me if I had any change that I could spare. I looked at the .75 cents that I had in my hand and "
This is all the money that I have, sorry” I said.
"Don't sweat it" they guy said and went back to making his hot dog behind me.
I finished filling up my cup and as I was putting on the lid he approached me again and asked me if I could give him a ride to his grandmothers house. I told him that I was on my way to work and was practically late already.
He nodded and said "That's cool, don't worry about it" As I was stabbing the straw into the lid I began to think to myself, maybe if I help this guy out, God will shine upon me, no good deed goes unrewarded right?
"Hey where do you live" I asked, and he told me that he lived off Grand, in fact is not too far from where I was going.
"I can take you." I said.
"Thanks brother, I can give you five bucks if you take me there" he said. My brain paused, didn’t this guy try to get money from me a second ago? He had five dollars, why would he try to get me to give him money? I ignored this because in my mind the decision to give him a ride had already been made, and I was coming out of the deal $5 richer, my luck was already starting to change.
I told him that I would wait for him outside in my Jeep, and asked him if he would hurry, because I was running late for work. I got to my car and watched as he paid for his hot dog. He walked out side and got into my Jeep. I reversed out of my parking spot looking at the clock on the radio, I had five minutes to get him there and then to work, I could show up a little late after all I needed to do this good deed, I needed a little good fortune to come my way.
"Hey man, you mind stopping by my homies' place for a second, I need to get my key?" he said 3 minutes "No problem where is it?" I asked "Jackson Square Apartments" he said. Almost as soon as I heard him say Jackson Squ...., my heart stopped. Jackson Square was known for its frequency of shooting, knifings and frequent rapes. It was not exactly a place that I chose to hang out in front of. "Sure, how long is this going to take?" I asked. "Two minutes" he said as I pulled up to the apartments.
1 minute
I sat in my Jeep and kept an eye on the front door. My "White-side" came out, because as soon as he closed the door when he got out I locked it. And sat and waited.
2 minutes late
And waited
5 minutes late
And waited
10 minutes late
I had enough I was about to start honking my horn, which was not a good idea. Imagine the whitest guy that you know laying on his horn at 8 o'clock in the morning in front of a predominately black community. I am not a racist, but this was not a good idea, and I knew it, but I was fed up, and pissed that I was late for work, so at the time it seemed like a good idea. I placed my hand on the Jeep logo on the steering wheel and was about to press down when he emerged though the main door of the complex.
He walked up to the door and tried to open it, he gave me a puzzled look when I leaned over to unlock the door. He got in and we were off.
12 minutes late.
As we drove I said nothing, I was (in my head) trying to figure out the fastest route to where he needed to go. As I was mapping out the trip he said.
"So do you mess around"
"Do what?" I asked,
"Do you mess around?" he said again.
"I don't understand what you are saying,” I said. Although I knew exactly what he was asking, either he wanted to know I did drugs or he was asking if I was gay.
"Do you mess around?” he said for the third time I just shrugged my shoulders and gave him a puzzled look.
"Are you gay?" he asked
"No man, straight as an arrow" I said
"Cause I really want to suck your cock!" he said everyone I have told this story too said they would have stopped the car at this popint and beat the shit out of him. Not me I just stepped on the gas.
"Nope not gay, I am all about the pussy" I said. He was now grabbing his dick and massaging it, I could see this out of the corner of my eye, my eyes were focused on the road ahead and my only goal was to get this guy where he needed to go as fast as I could.
"Man I really get horny when I do a bunch of coke, and I wanna suck your dick" he said again as if I had just miss-heard his first offer. I laughed nervously
"No thanks man...me ..........pussy...we are tight" I stammered
My foot was now pressed so far down on the gas pedal that it could go no further. The pedal was to the medal, I had to get this faggot home, and I had to complete the good deed.
"Want to do some blow?" he asked as he pulled out a baggie filled with cocaine.
"Uh...No"I said He poured the coke on the dash, ignoring my request not to snort Bolivian flake, and stared to "line it up" I was speechless.
My attention was on the coke on the dash, no longer on the road. My brain could not process the weirdness first from the guy offering me a blowjob and now he was snorting coke off of the dash of my car. I regained my composure and looked back to the road, only to see a police roadblock in front of me.
My brain shut down
"Eat shit fucker you are on your own" my brain said to me. "I'll be back when this whole thing is over"
There was a wreck on the street ahead of me, police were guiding traffic away from the scene, so I did the only logical thing my I could come up with..................I drove right thought the fucker, missing a patrol car by a few feet.
"Are you crazy, what are you doing?" the young cokehead faggot asked me, with cocaine still on his nose.
"Shut the fuck up, I am getting out of here,” I said.
I hit the gas as soon as I got out of the area of the wreck, I looked into the rear view mirror, so far so good, no black and whites where following me.
The remainder of the trip was a blur; I drove 15 blocks and literally have no memory of it. The next thing I do remember was stopping in front of the gas station that was his destination. He stepped out of the car.
"Man that was close." he said and snorted the last bit of coke left in his nostril
I did not respond
"Thanks for the ride, oh yeah I almost forgot, here is your $5"he said He handed me a gift certificate to Ruby Tequilas worth $5.
All this for a fucking gift certificate.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
And They Will Know Us By The Trail Of The Dead
Into everyone's life, a little death must come, and they will know us by the trail of the dead-----
--A friend of mine, has a job. Part of the requirements of Sharon's job is collecting rent from past due residents. If the 4th of the month has come and you have not paid your rent, Sharon will knock on your door, like clockwork. Arrangements can be made to pay late, she is pretty understanding as far as that goes, but in the end if the arrangements are not met and Sharon will go knocking on doors again. Yesterday Sharon knocked on a door, that will never be answered again.
The guy had been dead for a few days. He had made arrangements to pay rent on Friday and never made it. It is hard to pay rent when you are dead.He was dead face down on his bed, when Sharon walked into his apartment. She smelled him she said, she knew right away before she even walked into the room.
The past weekend was mild but with no AC running the room was stuffy, Sharon said she knew he was dead, she smelled death.
This was not her first "rodeo". This was not the first body that she has found while attempting to collect rent, it is after all part of her job. Sharon called the coroner and they came and picked up the body.
They arrived shortly after she called and wheeled him out of his apartment underneath a gray wool blanket into a beautiful early May afternoon. The smell of freshly cut grass , the aroma of the honey- suckle filled the air. Spring had finally arrived. There are cycles to everything. To everything there is a season. A time to live and a time to die. All that remained of the dead man was his apartment filled with clutter, and a past due balance on his rent. It was the only proof that he had ever even been here.
We are what we leave behind. We are the people that we influence. We are the people that we amuse. We are the people that we hurt. We are the people that we comfort. We are the people that we love. We are what we leave behind. We are a trail of the dead, because the dead have left their mark.
We all have to die. Ben Franklin said that the only things that are certain in life are death and taxes. In order to live we must die. Pretty simple shit.Death is the other side of the coin, we all know that it is there. We know that if we flip the coin over, tails will always show up. We don't think about it, and for the most part that is a good thing. On the other hand not acknowledging death as part of the life process is ignorant.When it is time to cash in our chips, we are nothing more than memories. We are not a bank account, we are not a house or a car......we are not things."
What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal". ----- Albert Pikehis
--A friend of mine, has a job. Part of the requirements of Sharon's job is collecting rent from past due residents. If the 4th of the month has come and you have not paid your rent, Sharon will knock on your door, like clockwork. Arrangements can be made to pay late, she is pretty understanding as far as that goes, but in the end if the arrangements are not met and Sharon will go knocking on doors again. Yesterday Sharon knocked on a door, that will never be answered again.
The guy had been dead for a few days. He had made arrangements to pay rent on Friday and never made it. It is hard to pay rent when you are dead.He was dead face down on his bed, when Sharon walked into his apartment. She smelled him she said, she knew right away before she even walked into the room.
The past weekend was mild but with no AC running the room was stuffy, Sharon said she knew he was dead, she smelled death.
This was not her first "rodeo". This was not the first body that she has found while attempting to collect rent, it is after all part of her job. Sharon called the coroner and they came and picked up the body.
They arrived shortly after she called and wheeled him out of his apartment underneath a gray wool blanket into a beautiful early May afternoon. The smell of freshly cut grass , the aroma of the honey- suckle filled the air. Spring had finally arrived. There are cycles to everything. To everything there is a season. A time to live and a time to die. All that remained of the dead man was his apartment filled with clutter, and a past due balance on his rent. It was the only proof that he had ever even been here.
We are what we leave behind. We are the people that we influence. We are the people that we amuse. We are the people that we hurt. We are the people that we comfort. We are the people that we love. We are what we leave behind. We are a trail of the dead, because the dead have left their mark.
We all have to die. Ben Franklin said that the only things that are certain in life are death and taxes. In order to live we must die. Pretty simple shit.Death is the other side of the coin, we all know that it is there. We know that if we flip the coin over, tails will always show up. We don't think about it, and for the most part that is a good thing. On the other hand not acknowledging death as part of the life process is ignorant.When it is time to cash in our chips, we are nothing more than memories. We are not a bank account, we are not a house or a car......we are not things."
What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal". ----- Albert Pikehis
Saturday, May 07, 2005
Fate and Learning in Las Vegas
las vegas
I was somewhere above New Mexico when I knew it was too late to turn back. I was flying towards Las Vegas at over 500 mph, and there was no going back. This was my first trip to the Jewel of the Desert, and I was in awe as soon as I saw the strip.
Flying to Vegas from Amarillo there is little to see, but as soon as the pilot announced that we were making our final decent my eyes were peeled, I wanted to enjoy every second, I wanted the entire trip to me remembered. I had been drinking bloody marys since our departure, and the lack of sleep from the night before plus the vodka were twisting my mind in the way that I wanted it to.
When our plane descended into Las Vegas International Airport my heart was pounding with anticipation. Could I survive this trip? I didn't know what was in store for me in the next 36 hours but I was leaving everything to chance. This was after all Sin City. What goes on in Vegas, stays in Vegas, unless you are me, I am a person that has to share, and my Vegas trip was one of the most indescribable events of my life.
I had made arrangements with someone to pick me up at the airport. I had known JD for a couple of years and we had our fling when she lived in Amarillo, she now lived in Las Vegas, by sheer luck I found her account on myspace.com and asked if she could pick me up at the airport. I expected nothing from her, her myspace account said that she was in a relationship, and I was not one to rock the boat. I called her cell phone as soon as our plane taxied in and she gave me directions to meet her by a Starbucks in the terminal. I walked into the terminal and my mind was blown, I had no idea where I was, or where the fuck to find the Starbucks. Vegas is a total rape of your senses, the sounds of slot machines, and the lights in the airport threw my brain for a curve. I was short two senses, but my sense of smell kicked in, as soon as I smelled coffee brewing in was just like the toucan, I followed my nose. I saw JD before she saw me, I was in awe of her beauty. It is too hard to describe the way I felt, I was nervous I suppose, she had grown up since I had last seen her, she didn't look older, just more alive. I walked beside her aquardley trying to get my bearings I had not expected to have these feelings for her. I knew that I had to keep them to myself, she was involved with someone else and there was no need to embarrass myself with awkward questions. We walked into the parking lot sharing small talk, two people trying to hide and share emotions at the same time. We got to her car.
"You want some Jager?" my heart skipped a beat, I couldn't remember if it was by shear luck she knew my weakness for the deers blood or it there was something more.
I lit my second cigarette off the butt of a smoke that I lit as soon as I hit the doors leading outside. I got into her red Saturn and twisted the green bottle of Jager open and took a short pull off the stuff, it was hot, not was I prefer, but for some reason it tasted better hot. I stared at JD though my black tinted sunglasses as she talked, trying to catch me up on what was going on with her life, I stared into her eyes as she talked, and fell deeper and deeper into her. Each and every word she spoke drew me farther and farther away from where I had been, I didn't care about anything else except being right there with her at that moment.
We drove down to the strip. Vegas is like a dream, that is the best way that I can describe it nothing seems real, yet you can touch things in this dream. The structures that surrounded me were amazing, I stared at the Luxor Casino, the pyramid on the strip, but my attention quickly went back to JD. She too amazing to look away from, all the sights, the most beautiful structures in the modern world did not compare to me in the slightest bit, I had found what I had been looking for. People always say, if you quit looking for something, you will find it much faster. I guess that is the way that it works for love. I wasn't looking for it, but it had found me.
She parked the car at Caesars Palace and we walked to the elevators and into the casino. We walked and talked. FATE had brought us together this afternoon in March. This was like a movie, our steps as we walked were totally in tune. We found our way to the Bellagio and stood in front of the lake and awaited the water show. She said that the show starts every 15 min. But it never did. We stood in front of the lake in front of the Bellagio and talked. Finally I had enough. I leaned towards her to kiss, and she did not move away, our lips met and I knew for the first time what is was like to be happy. I knew what it was like to be totally into someone. So close that I could almost feel her soul. This does not happen every day, and I didn't want it to ever end. This is where I end this story, the rest is for JD and I. I flew back to Amarillo the next day, they say what goes on in Vegas stays in Vegas, not for me..... I take the memories of that afternoon and a smile comes back to my face, my heart beats a little slower. JD and I still talk, not as much as I would like, but we are both busy. We have both made promises to come see each other, but like most things in life, you don't get a second chance at a thing like this. I LEARNed a lesson in Vegas, don't cry because it is over, be happy that it happened. I hope to one day see JD again, I dream of her driving through the desert in the middle of the night coming to see me, but until now this still remains a fantasy. The best way to sum it up, the weekend was too weird and random, probalby to ever fully describe I just hope that I did this story justice, because it shall never, ever leave me.
Thursday, May 05, 2005
More Than Words
And she runs through her days with a smile on her face and she runs, and she waits, and I wait We can drive to anyplace, day or night, across the stateAnd in the morning, into Mexico, we will wake up find a window in the kitchen, and I let myself inRummage through the refrigerator, find myself a beerI can't believe I'm really here, and she's lying in that bedI can almost feel her touch, and her anxious breath!I stumble in the hallway, against the bedroom doorI hear her call out to me, I hear the fear in her voiceShe pulls the covers tighter, I press against the doorI will be with her tonight!
These are merely words, and I know that, but like Extreme said, sometimes words are more than words. These are the lyrics to Tyler by the Toadies, my all-time favorite song. Music is an escape. Good music is at least. Tyler takes me to a place, that no other song ever has, or ever will. Those two notes that start out the song give me a chill every time I hear it. And as the song progresses I just get more and more lost, the screaming YEAH the feedback of the guitar and when the song is over I can come back to the real world. That is why Tyler is my escape, That isI think everyone has a Tyler, or they should. What is yours?
These are merely words, and I know that, but like Extreme said, sometimes words are more than words. These are the lyrics to Tyler by the Toadies, my all-time favorite song. Music is an escape. Good music is at least. Tyler takes me to a place, that no other song ever has, or ever will. Those two notes that start out the song give me a chill every time I hear it. And as the song progresses I just get more and more lost, the screaming YEAH the feedback of the guitar and when the song is over I can come back to the real world. That is why Tyler is my escape, That isI think everyone has a Tyler, or they should. What is yours?
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
My Bobby Takes The Morning Train
About 4 years ago, a group of friends and I decided that rather driving to Padre for Spring Break we would hop on a train and just ride until we got somewhere. Not the greatest thinking, I know that now, but we were young and dumb. We decided that we would need two things for the trip booze and pills, to truly make the trip a "trip", so we went to the liquor store and bought a couple of liters of Jagermeister and a half gallon of Champion bourbon in a plastic bottle. I had a bunch of hydrocodone from a tooth that I had pulled recently and Zak had gotten his hands on Xanax so the trip was soon to be a success. Canyon was what you could call a wait station for trains, the traffic of trains coming through was always high and there was always one just sitting there waiting to go to its next destination. I use the term always lightly because the night in question there was no train waiting. So we drank a little and ate some pills and waited for a train to pass and stop. The wait was excruciating. We sat for hours and trains passed, but they were going too fast to board. There is no way that a person would dare jump onto one of these going at these speeds, no one that is sober that is. At around midnight we had all grown a little weary and were tired of waiting for a train to drive by slow enough that we could jump on, so we drank a little more ate more pills and headed on home. When we got about a block from the house we heard a train whistle blowing, we were about 100 yards from the tracks and we saw a train of about 30 cars slowly going past, we made out decision to go for it, fuck it, we had waited long enough. Bobby started off sprinting towards the rail-road tracks and was half-way there by the time that the rest of us were strapping on our back packs. We all started to sprint and then jog , by the time we had reached the tracks we were out of gas and the train was 100 yards away heading off to God knows where. We all stopped running and laughed and coughed up lung, and laughed some more. There were three of us 21 year old males in the prime of our youth, standing in the middle of the rr tracks drunk off Jager, cheap whiskey and pain killers, and we could not catch a train that was literally trotting past us.
"Hurry up Fuckers." the laughing voice of Bobby pierced through the warm April night.
We all began to laugh. Bobby had actually jump on the train, and was now riding down the tracks, and the train was speeding up.
"Fuck you, jump off" I screamed.
"I'll fuckin' die if I jump" Bobby's voice was now fading as the train drew farther and farther down the track.
"You guys suck, I can't jump" Bobby screamed with panic racing though his voice.
"Call us when you stop!" I yelled laughing, but I knew that Bobby could no longer hear, the sound of the train picking up speed and the shear distance that now separated us ensured that my message did not reach its intended recipient.
We stood on the tracks for a while and watched our friend on the train go further and further into the distance.
"You guys suck!" were the last words that were heard from Bobby as his voice faded into the night.
We walked home laughing about poor Bobby and the great lonely trip that he was about to take. We got to the house, put together a plan to drive to get Bobby when he finally stopped and was able to make a phone call telling us where he was. We expected that he would call from Clovis, it was about 90 miles away and the train was sure to stop there.
We woke up around noon and waited for the call, but he did not call. We began to worry about what the fuck we were going to do. Do we call his parents?
"Mr. Mitchel, Bobby got on a train when he was drunk last night, no sir we don't know where he is or when he will get back." We passed on that idea. We also thought about calling the rail-road company to see if we could get a train schedule, but we did not know which train had hijacked Bobby, and it would also be very hard to explain why we needed a schedule, hopping trains is a felony, and we were sure that the only thing that would make Bobbys trip worse was getting him arrested.
So we sat and we waited for the phone call. The phone did not ring until about 10 o'clock that night Bobby was pissed.
"You guys fucking suck" he screamed
"Where are you?" I asked
"Truth of Fucking Consequences New Mexico" he said.
"He is in Truth or Cosequences" I told the others, and they laughed.
"How was your trip, you fucking hobo?" Zak asked laughing.
"Its not fucking funny, come get me now, I am at a Flying J off the highway, come get me now!" Bobby screamed.
"All right, all right, tell Zak where exactly you are, I am going to get a map" I said and handed the phone to Zak.
I looked at the map of New Mexico and found TorC, I was amazed that he had made it that far.
"Holy fuck dude, Bobby is almost in Arizona." I said
We got in my jeep and headed for TorC, giggling the whole way like little girls in angst of seeing Bobbys face so we could give him shit.
We arrived in Truth of Consequences at around 10 the next morning and found the gas station that Bobby was at. We all walked inside and found Bobby drinking a cup of coffee at a table on the far side of the trucking Mecca that was the Flying J.
Bobby saw us, stood up and walked towards us.
"How was you trip"Zak asked and we all started busting out laughing. Bobby walked past us and headed out the front doors.
"Fuck you Zak, take me home." Bobby said as he got into the back of the Jeep, he fell asleep almost as soon as he got in, despite our attempts to wake him up to give him shit.
He slept most of the way home, not saying much at all.
We got back to Canyon about 11 that evening and as we pulled off the interstate onto our street we were stopped by the blinking red lights of an approaching train. I stopped and as the train passed we all held our laughter until it hurt. We all lost it at the same time, and laughed until the train passed us.
Bobby finally broke his silence, and with tears in our eyes, Bobby said, one of the funniest things I have ever heard
"I can't help it if you guys can't run as fast as me"
"Hurry up Fuckers." the laughing voice of Bobby pierced through the warm April night.
We all began to laugh. Bobby had actually jump on the train, and was now riding down the tracks, and the train was speeding up.
"Fuck you, jump off" I screamed.
"I'll fuckin' die if I jump" Bobby's voice was now fading as the train drew farther and farther down the track.
"You guys suck, I can't jump" Bobby screamed with panic racing though his voice.
"Call us when you stop!" I yelled laughing, but I knew that Bobby could no longer hear, the sound of the train picking up speed and the shear distance that now separated us ensured that my message did not reach its intended recipient.
We stood on the tracks for a while and watched our friend on the train go further and further into the distance.
"You guys suck!" were the last words that were heard from Bobby as his voice faded into the night.
We walked home laughing about poor Bobby and the great lonely trip that he was about to take. We got to the house, put together a plan to drive to get Bobby when he finally stopped and was able to make a phone call telling us where he was. We expected that he would call from Clovis, it was about 90 miles away and the train was sure to stop there.
We woke up around noon and waited for the call, but he did not call. We began to worry about what the fuck we were going to do. Do we call his parents?
"Mr. Mitchel, Bobby got on a train when he was drunk last night, no sir we don't know where he is or when he will get back." We passed on that idea. We also thought about calling the rail-road company to see if we could get a train schedule, but we did not know which train had hijacked Bobby, and it would also be very hard to explain why we needed a schedule, hopping trains is a felony, and we were sure that the only thing that would make Bobbys trip worse was getting him arrested.
So we sat and we waited for the phone call. The phone did not ring until about 10 o'clock that night Bobby was pissed.
"You guys fucking suck" he screamed
"Where are you?" I asked
"Truth of Fucking Consequences New Mexico" he said.
"He is in Truth or Cosequences" I told the others, and they laughed.
"How was your trip, you fucking hobo?" Zak asked laughing.
"Its not fucking funny, come get me now, I am at a Flying J off the highway, come get me now!" Bobby screamed.
"All right, all right, tell Zak where exactly you are, I am going to get a map" I said and handed the phone to Zak.
I looked at the map of New Mexico and found TorC, I was amazed that he had made it that far.
"Holy fuck dude, Bobby is almost in Arizona." I said
We got in my jeep and headed for TorC, giggling the whole way like little girls in angst of seeing Bobbys face so we could give him shit.
We arrived in Truth of Consequences at around 10 the next morning and found the gas station that Bobby was at. We all walked inside and found Bobby drinking a cup of coffee at a table on the far side of the trucking Mecca that was the Flying J.
Bobby saw us, stood up and walked towards us.
"How was you trip"Zak asked and we all started busting out laughing. Bobby walked past us and headed out the front doors.
"Fuck you Zak, take me home." Bobby said as he got into the back of the Jeep, he fell asleep almost as soon as he got in, despite our attempts to wake him up to give him shit.
He slept most of the way home, not saying much at all.
We got back to Canyon about 11 that evening and as we pulled off the interstate onto our street we were stopped by the blinking red lights of an approaching train. I stopped and as the train passed we all held our laughter until it hurt. We all lost it at the same time, and laughed until the train passed us.
Bobby finally broke his silence, and with tears in our eyes, Bobby said, one of the funniest things I have ever heard
"I can't help it if you guys can't run as fast as me"
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Fuck The Doomed
The city that I call home (Amarillo, TX) is voting on a proposed Smoke Free Amarillo this week. You can almost smell the stench of Irony reeking in the phrase "Smoke Free" esp. When the voters outcome could take the rights away from others-i.e. the Smokers. Who has the right to say what is right and what is wrong, what is healthy and what is a hazard, the government? What gives a certain group of individuals to stand up and say "fuck you smoker you cant eat here anymore, well you can just don't bring that disgusting habit with you." All the while they shove food down their throats that will kill them long before the smoke will. Find me one case of second hand smoke that one has received from a restaurant that caused cancer or heart disease. Fuck it show me a tumor, a tumor would make me second think my actions as a smoker, and therefore being a danger to my fellow humans. I would gladly take this challenge, because I know I would win, SECOND HAND SMOKE DOES NOT CAUSE CANCER. But I will agree with you it stinks. So I would sign a paper that says I won't sit in the same section as someone that chooses not to smoke on a night out for dinner. Oh yeah, we already tried that, it wasn't good enough. Non-Smokers decieded (at least some did) that the restaurants need to be completely smoke free. I might even be so deranged as to agree with that. The second part of the proposed ban really pisses me off. Ban all the smoking in all the bars. I am serious folks. Ban all the smoking in the Fucking bars. When asked why, those who support the ban will again say that smoking in unhealthy, and could be dangerous to your health as well as those whom you may surround. OK even if second hand smoke caused fucking herpes to fly into your face the second you lit it up, this is a mute point, you are at a fucking bar. You don't go to a bar to be healthy you go to kill brain cells and forget about shit for a while, to me this makes no sense to me, but then again I could have cancer in the part of my brain that controls rational thought. Here is is another Ideas for these fucks: lets cure muscular Dystrophy in children, by aborting them before they have a chance to be born, it makes about as much sense when you think about it. We (the smokers) are doomed, if these freedoms are not taken a week from today they will be soon, the health nuts will eventully win. America has changed, we are afraid of everything, we are afraid of terrorists attacking on our soil again, and now we are afraid second hand smoke with a cheesburger or with a beer will kill you. Even if you agree with the smoking ban, I have a question......What rights will they take away next?
Another Day in WeirdVille
Another day another dollar, what a strange way to live life. But I think these experiences keep you on your toes. The real world can be a tough nut to crack, cause sometimes you don't have a hammer, you have to use your fist and continue to smash the fucker until your hand gushes blood. Real people have scars. Scars build character. Every scar has a story. And not all scars are on the outside, some are buried deep, sometimes too deep that the owners of said scars don't even remember that they even exist.
This weekend I uncovered scars long fogotten I was driving this to Canyon, Texas the city that "popped the cherry" of innocence. I hadn't been to Canyon in the daylight in about 2 years. I saw the sights. I saw alleys that I had ducked from the police. I saw front yard that I had thrown up a nights worth of used beer. I saw city parks that I passed out in. I saw the apartments were I lost my virginity. I saw several places where my run-ins with the law resulted in my arrest..............and each one of these memories made me smile.
Don't cry because it is over, laugh because it happened, I told myself. We rarely are that free. We are focused on tomorrow. But that was not the case those years (5)I spent in college. I saw fat girls get peppermint schnapps licked of their tits. I saw a full grown man put his head though a plate glass window. I saw a guy die. And that was in one weekend. Life teaches us all a lesson, everyday something happens that we are supposed to take something away from, supposed to make us better. Am I a better person for seeing the things that I did, am I a better person because I went to jail? Without a doubt. Life without stories, is like a live without scars. I have my scars, and I have the stories to back them up. This blog will be a selection of those stories that happened back then and the continual weirdness that still follows me like a fat girl follows a buffet line, they never fucking stop, even when they know they have had enough.
This weekend I uncovered scars long fogotten I was driving this to Canyon, Texas the city that "popped the cherry" of innocence. I hadn't been to Canyon in the daylight in about 2 years. I saw the sights. I saw alleys that I had ducked from the police. I saw front yard that I had thrown up a nights worth of used beer. I saw city parks that I passed out in. I saw the apartments were I lost my virginity. I saw several places where my run-ins with the law resulted in my arrest..............and each one of these memories made me smile.
Don't cry because it is over, laugh because it happened, I told myself. We rarely are that free. We are focused on tomorrow. But that was not the case those years (5)I spent in college. I saw fat girls get peppermint schnapps licked of their tits. I saw a full grown man put his head though a plate glass window. I saw a guy die. And that was in one weekend. Life teaches us all a lesson, everyday something happens that we are supposed to take something away from, supposed to make us better. Am I a better person for seeing the things that I did, am I a better person because I went to jail? Without a doubt. Life without stories, is like a live without scars. I have my scars, and I have the stories to back them up. This blog will be a selection of those stories that happened back then and the continual weirdness that still follows me like a fat girl follows a buffet line, they never fucking stop, even when they know they have had enough.
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