I will celebrate four years of fatherhood tomorrow morning at 7:08. Early that morning in October, I witnessed a miracle. I am forever grateful for her mom and all that she went through to get Zara from “there to here” it was a lot.... to say the least.
Four years, man where did the time go? A lifetime of memories flash in a instant.
I got married got fat I was happy I keeping up with the Joneses, like I was supposed to be. A lot has happened since the blessing of the bear. I've lost some important figures in my life, mainly mom. I miss her a lot. God does not cure cancer, chemo does. I wish her and Zara would have gotten to know each other. I miss her random letters. I miss her laugh.
I lost it this morning when I was getting her ready to go back to her moms house for another birthday party, her third in as many days. The kid is spoiled rotten but why not? She is a good kid, well behaved and deserves to be happy all the time. (within reason)
I've never cried in front of Zara before,but as i was strapping on her back pack i couldnt help it. The tears just came and this wasn't a couple of tears rolling down my cheeks. There were snot bubbles and flowing tears the whole shebang. But I couldn't stop smiling, and neither could she. I looked into her eyes and saw all that I have, not what I have lost, and once again realized she is all that I need.
I lived a very a blessed life, as weird as it is, I wouldn't change it. This is how I go back to me. This is how I found my smile. Rock bottom is always about 30 feet past where you thought it would be, but all you can do is quietly say “fuck you, and ill see you on the way back up”.
Here I am
IM UP HERE!!
2 comments:
im glad you are blogging again and I have to say Adam, I am so proud of you to see how well you have done, what you have come from and to know you will always do well. You are such a good daddy! Tell Z happy birthday!
Love this post. I agree that the blessing of a child can do wonders for your mental state. : )
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