My Journey Back to ME starts with a Z

I will celebrate four years of fatherhood tomorrow morning at 7:08. Early that morning in October, I witnessed a miracle. I am forever grateful for her mom and all that she went through to get Zara from “there to here” it was a lot.... to say the least.

Four years, man where did the time go? A lifetime of memories flash in a instant.

I got married got fat I was happy I keeping up with the Joneses, like I was supposed to be. A lot has happened since the blessing of the bear. I've lost some important figures in my life, mainly mom. I miss her a lot. God does not cure cancer, chemo does. I wish her and Zara would have gotten to know each other. I miss her random letters. I miss her laugh.

I lost it this morning when I was getting her ready to go back to her moms house for another birthday party, her third in as many days. The kid is spoiled rotten but why not? She is a good kid, well behaved and deserves to be happy all the time. (within reason)

I've never cried in front of Zara before,but as i was strapping on her back pack i couldnt help it. The tears just came and this wasn't a couple of tears rolling down my cheeks. There were snot bubbles and flowing tears the whole shebang. But I couldn't stop smiling, and neither could she. I looked into her eyes and saw all that I have, not what I have lost, and once again realized she is all that I need.

I lived a very a blessed life, as weird as it is, I wouldn't change it. This is how I go back to me. This is how I found my smile. Rock bottom is always about 30 feet past where you thought it would be, but all you can do is quietly say “fuck you, and ill see you on the way back up”.

Here I am

IM UP HERE!!

4 years and 8 days is a drop in the hat

so im back to the blogs

first thing that i noticed when i logged back into my profile is that the only fact i listed when i registered this domain is that "i am a smoker", i wasn't bragging about illicit drugs cause that would have been neat amirite? No, I was actually proud of the fact that i smoked with cigarettes

As of today i have not had a cigarette in 8 months 8 days and believe me i pat myself on the back as much as possible. I have room to pat myself cause that fucking monkey is gone

I started for the same reasons that we all did, we wanted to fit in for some reason we thought we looked cool doing it, and the next thing you know it became part of my daily routine.

wake up...smoke.

open car door pull out cigarette......smoke

go on break at work.....smoke

eat ANYTHING.....smoke

someone else smoking.....smoke

talking on the phone.......smoke

after sects*........smoke

while smoking(Ross)......smoke

drink....SMOKE

these were my biggest "triggers" and i can say with no bullshit that quitting smoking was one of the easiest things that i have ever done. You are smarter than your addiction, and if you want I will help you stop shoot me an email...theadamgraves@gmail.com

It is seriously fucking retarded to give yourself cancer...stop

My next post wont be so smoker bashing, just wanted to get that out of the way

I am NOT a smoker...i am smarter than my addiction

*its for exactly what you think it is

5-3-10